West Desert Journal by Nathan Cowlishaw

Old lover and
best friend,
you’re nothing more
than a distant faded memory
but for a brief moment
your memory
returns to haunt me
once again.

Thinking as I watch the sun dew dripping off the naked winter trees. It’s a cold winter night, but the Earth is strong and beautiful. All is beautiful. Wish you were here…

…I miss the summer, hiking in the narrows of Zion with my sweetheart, or watching the purple light of evening drape the desert sand…

The wintry sun now softly whispers and the candled stars begin to rise in the eternal dome, not yet totally dark but primordial. The frigid wind wails through the branches of an ancient juniper skeleton. Dressed from head to toe like a redneck eskimo, I look out across the ages, over a snowy blanket of high desert plateau decked with pinion and juniper. A lone raven planes the darkened twilight above me. While everyone else is holed up at home, this is a witness to the surreality of the wilderness. There is peace in the wild.

The beauty of this world cannot be suppressed. A strong desire in humans to protect & defend their freedom also plays big role in this web of life. Certain inalienable liberties were gifted to us by the Creator and CANNOT be taken away or forfeited by any government or institution but sometimes we have to fight to protect them. There’s an evil on our planet that feels too unreal to acknowledge and is often grossly overlooked. However, it has always been there and instinctively challenges our freedom if it goes unchecked (think runaway government, greed, crony capitalism, etc) and so most people never take time to learn the truth and remain ignorant. They say those that don’t learn their own history are doomed to repeat it.

The dark shadow that now envelops our world has been here since the beginning and should be expected, but is unrealized. The current injustices unfolding everywhere have happened before, just not at this current scale of destruction. I know for a fact that the depredations against Native Americans (American Indians) in the past would eventually inflict all American Citizens especially through greed; consider the Patriot Act, and the new 2012 Federal NDAA Defense Bill that passed the US Senate, recently. This bill will declare the American homeland a battle field where American citizens are arrested if they are “suspected” of being a terrorist, or sympathizing with any terrorist group. Heck, if you act “belligerent” they can accuse you of being a terrorist and put you in endless detention without due process & without being charged for a crime. You’ll be denied a lawyer and locked up without a trial by jury! While bypassing Miranda Rights, this bill also justifies the torture of citizens while shredding the Bill of Rights. This has forced me to start pondering how we wound up with such treasonous senators and how we voted them into office!? How could they even consider passing such a dangerous, malicious bill? Many of the same injustices brought about by tyranny have harmed millions of people. Rogue governments have murdered millions and now this darkness is knocking at the door of the American people, fully armored. Surely, it was just a matter of time…

Over the years, I’ve spent my life wondering and traveling through beautiful isolated places that are unknown and often mysterious. I’ve tried to ignore the bad things in the world. Now, as Americans begin to lose their freedom & way of life (like their predecessors, the First Nations) at the hands of this dark wind (also known as Westward Expansion, colonialism, Manifest Destiny, and now greed) it’s important that we still have these beautiful places and a powerful strength within the human spirit to fight against this evil called greed. As it starts to entrench the Earth, and enslave humanity, it is just one of the beginning chapters of a cataclysmic change that’s going to arrive very soon. In fact, many non-western based cultures have been expecting this change for hundreds if not thousands of years.

There is a reason why all these terrible and unbelievable natural disasters are unfolding; massive earthquakes, rogue tsunamis, climate change, unruly wildfires, and rumors of deadly diseases. The Earth Mother is revolting. It is time for humanity to play a major role in this great change. In my gut I know a lot of people are going to suffer as a result. I cannot tell you exactly what’s going to happen because I don’t have the answers but is time for us two-leggeds to rise up and fight against this dark wind. This is a test of our humanity and I believe the Creator is fully aware of our struggles and sufferings.

As an LDS Mormon, we have our own prophecies and spiritual leaders who are guiding us in the last days. This however is my personal poetic and spiritual message to the world. It comes straight from my heart! My grandfather was a spiritual guide and an important patriarch of our family and he would always remind us to “stand ye in holy places and do what’s right in the world.” I don’t need to explain all those age-old teachings about loving your neighbor and your enemy. We all know the basics. He warned me for several years of the things that would ensnare the world and change everything as we know it, forever. We are here at the crossroads. We have entered the Event Horizon. There is no turning around, or going back. All we have is the courage to move forward with fortitude! We have to be very bold, generous, and nonviolent.

We all have to face this and survive it. So get ready. For me, all the answers lay in the wilderness. Even Jesus of Nazareth fasted for forty days and forty nights in the wild when contemplating serious spiritual matter. The rolling hills and canyons have been my haven from any uncertainty. Every time I go in the mountains, I feel like I’m returning home. The beauty of the land plays a central role to my beliefs and I share some of that affinity with my indigenous brothers and sisters who have survived and thrived into the last days, despite genocide, racism, and all the colonialism. They have strong ties with the past with their understandings of time and place and how all of history is interwoven into the present and future. I love all my friends, and all the people who have made a difference in my life, both culturally and spiritually. Mainstream America could learn a thing or two from Native people, many of whom still maintain and practice their original traditional lifeways.

To wrap this up, the world as we know it, is coming to an end. Note this, it is going to happen! So prepare. It is time for us to wake up and acknowledge the reality or parish in the tide. Pray to the Creator for the world and for mercy upon all of us. Learn and dig for the deepest truth. Make it a passion and teach yourself how to survive. Teach your friends what you know so that they can start preparing. People can survive if their heart is in the right place. That much, I do know! The Creator will know what’s in your heart. The evil and wickedness in this world will all be destroyed.

It is time for every soul to know the truth and begin asking hard questions. This is the test. Seek out the facts and really learn. Become a citizen journalist and know the importance of spreading information and facts so that more people become objective, informed and proactive. The mainstream media cannot be trusted. Their campaign has been to dumb down our friends and loved ones. It’s up to every two-legged to become a journalist. Start learning the ethics of journalism and get to work learning the truth and educating other curious minds. Information & exposing truth are the most powerful tools to change our world. This is apart of the test to see whether humanity will act accordingly.

I don’t have all the answers, I’m just going on my gut with this because I’m still looking for the truth. The more I learn, the less I know! If I am compelled to act it’s because of what I know. In the end, I’m just another two-legged with a good heart…

Let’s not forget all the warrior spirits who have fought and died for our freedoms and the beauty that we have in the world today. Let’s remember them and realize that it is our duty to protect our freedoms and everything that is beautiful in this sacred world.

Ending greed is a good goal. Greed is the disease plaguing our society as a whole and infects different faucets of life and culture. To name a few of these symptoms they include; racism, colonialism, imperialism, genocide, mis-use of religion, environmental destruction, fascism, forced-assimilation and tyranny, etc.

Greed is a disease of the mind. It has nothing to do with skin color, one’s religious beliefs, where one comes from or who you are. This disease infects the mind. It’s an outlook on life. It has deep roots in Western Civilization that has been passed down through the generations… and it undulates through time and it’s what crippling the world we have right now!

To me… Beauty runs much deeper than the friggin skin and much deeper than the human spirit; it is determined by someone’s outlook. Foolishness is ugly, and if you don’t have beauty in your heart and outlook, then you are an ugly person. It’s that simple to formulate!

There is a slight breeze coming through the window blinds and the face of sunlight creeps against the bedroom wall and edges down the hallway towards the bathroom. The blazing star begins another summer day as I drag myself out of bed and down the road. The Jeep starts up with a clogged fuel filter which needs to be changed this morning or today. There’s a few other problems that need fixing on the Cherokee but I take on each day without too much worry. I’m just need the next serious adventure.

The neighbor’s window chimes dance in the wind trying to conjure up desert fairies. Cloud ships sail on the wind across the landscape. Like a flash of memory, I’m driving out somewhere unknown, down a wasteland road with the crazy distance blowing in my hair and I am thinking of a far off place, out in the galaxy, lost in the stars, dreaming. I’m traveling through the universe past black holes and alien supernovas. The voice of the mystery of mysterious resonates with the endless ages and I am just a small glitch on God’s intergalactic radar. He moves the clouds that turn yellow wild daisies eastward on the mountain top and Aspen leaves clap with each twisty gust.

Some days like these, I have no care in the world after suffering as a bleeding heart dreamer that longs to be understood. Yet, I remain calm in the silence of the wilderness when all other faucets of life grow turbulent. Manhood is not much different than childhood. Men need love like a child needs affection. In the wild turning of yellow daisies and dark lightning storms that love is discovered in dreams, faith, and hope for a more profound future that is either based on passion, visual aesthetics or incredible goals being achieved. The same discovery is made fighting the woes of human suffering & misery while walking the walk. I want to have a brighter future where not all things are misunderstood and the thin threads of truth can be seen running amongst misguided strings.

Writing is one way to fracture the confusion and myriad of complex thought processes in order to streamline the whole grand scheme and simplify a dreamers quest through the world of the Unknown and the Uncaring. Because I do care but I cannot understand the vast majority of humans in this world and why they are so cruel to each other or to anything. What is with the hostility? Why are people so mean to each other? There is the inherent evil in life that cannot be quenched or quelled, or changed. We are forced to live with our own darkness. This reality is like poison and the only way to change it is to seek the truth beyond lies and half-truths. During all this rambling though I am relieved to hear Edward Abbey when all else seems to fail and his words put a smile on my face. At least for now and I quote Mr. Abbey:

“Do not burn yourselves out. Be as I am– a reluctant enthusiast…a part time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it is still there. So go out there and hunt and fish and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, encounter the grizz, climb the mountains, and bag the peaks…. and I promise you this much: I promise you this one sweet victory over your enemies, over those deskbound people with their hearts in a safe deposit box… I promise you this: you will outlive the bastards.”

Havasupai, in the Grand Canyon, is not just a canyon and a bunch of pretty waterfalls. It has cultural significance as well as a lot of history surrounding the indigenous people that call it home, mainly the Supai. I’ll include my thoughts on the Supai people at a later time, in a different journal entry. This post is regards my experiences with Havasupai and how it is changing my outlook on life. Or perhaps, it has forced me to introspect about things I would not consider otherwise?

Havasupai changed my life three years ago for better or worse in August 2008 when a massive flash flood nearly killed me. My friends, Joe and Robert were there, but this has become more of a personal experience as the years go by because I keep returning to Havasupai and each visit changes me quite a bit. At this point in time, I don’t even know if I understand myself anymore? I return to the canyon in a personal pilgrimage that is making my own thought-processes much more complex and hard to grip.

I feel a need to write down the thoughts I had while introspecting the personal conflicts I have with Havasupai and why it is so much more than a recreational/tourist destination to me. My experiences there were so life-altering that I need to share what I know with other people who love the canyon, or nature in general. My experiences have been both sweet and nightmarish at the same time. The flood that nearly killed me three years ago still haunts my psyche in dreams and flashbacks on the night when we were taken by surprise by this raging mud torrent. The snapping driftwood still lingers in thoughts.

It echoes back into reality when 72 hours ago I was sitting overlooking the famous Mooney Falls, in the solitude of the canyon in the early morning while all my friends are back in camp sleeping in their tents. The morning sunlight just starts to glisten on the highest canyon rims. Today I was still unpacking from that backbacking trip into the Grand Canyon. It was my third visit back to Havasupai since the flood and I have several complex thoughts haunting my mind and the urge to share them is hard to resist. However, I may not be able to share them all in one journal entry. . .

Some lazy mornings I don’t feel like writing but was instructed to practice daily to get anywhere prolific. It’s kinda like practicing the violin or piano in order to fine tune a talent. Writing is something I really enjoy doing but I have never done it for a wider audience. In my younger years, I would write a lot of poetry, essays and short stories; then I started drinking caffeine like a sailer and that dulled some of my senses until I curbed the intake recently after several years of abuse.

I’m laying in my bunk, sleeping in and listening to a husband and wife fighting outside while chimes dance in the wind. Off in the distance there’s the hum of a lawn mower mixed with the singing birds and varmints. It’s officially summer but last night was cold and the wind howled like a crazy woman across the desert disturbing every peaceful moment and wrecking havoc on the evening.

Already, I’ve been on several adventures with a trip to Santa Fe and two visits to a secret location in the desert. I’ve been waxing very political too as I grow concerned and impatient that Americans are losing their freedoms and this country is becoming a fascist state. All the while, young people rather surf their iPods and remain aloof from the tangible issues that could negatively destroy their lives. When it comes to taking a stand you feel like the lone voice in the wilderness or the boy with a finger in the dam. That’s how effective the stance can be when no one else comes forward. This causes me to question the basic intelligence of humanity and the ignorance (stupidity) in my own community? Sometimes I feel like giving up and letting the world crash and burn if it ever does but I am an optimist and that’s why I choose to walk the walk. My friend Jose Gonzalez was telling me late last night that I need to form an agenda and seek out sponsors for a political cause and then people will have something tangible to follow.

In the end, I come to realize that I’m the coyote minding his own business out in the desert catching insects and eating rabbits. I really don’t want to be messing with anybody’s life other than minding my own. Sometimes there’s evil in the world though and we need to stop it.

I’m one of the last and youngest of a dying breed that has any lick of horse-sense left with which these newer generations cannot even mentally comprehend! All greenhorn city slickers can just ignore this status entirely because they don’t even have a clue. As Joe Dirt would joyfully chant; “Keep on keeping on.”

While I long for a simple life you cannot excuse the power of technology and the impact of it on our lives. I think of the revolutions going on in the Middle East and how Facebook and Wikileaks have restored the power of information flow to people. Technology has been able to unveil secrecy so that the truth may be told. Yes, our lives are getting much more technologically complex but I can deal with this evolution with the good it’s bringing into the world. I think the Creator has a had a hand in it.

So I realize, nobody can be completely disconnected from the grid. I need technology to get my own message out, to declare my thoughts and to stay in connected with friends. Maybe we can just say that it is a necessary evil for all of us? Either way, I just got another Macbook and I am sure glad. The lack of a computer can be difficult these days. Our lives have become so dependent on them but I believe it’s a good thing.

I returned home to to Cedar late last night at three in the morning after being out in the desert all pulling rock from an old mining dump about five hours northwest of town nearNevada. Tomorrow, I will see if the rockshops in Zion Canyon want to buy this beautiful translucent blue Fluorite I hate to see such amazing rock go to waste. It’s time to quit roaming in the desert and start socializing again.

The first winds of summer were blowing the heat in from the desert this morning and the sky was stark blue with the bright sun. The birds are singing and it’s the beginning of June. Hopefully I can think of something more interesting to write other than my love of technology!

Who gives a crap whether drama is useful or not or whether people try to tell you how to act, how to behave, how to conform. I really don’t give a rat’s butt when people tell me what to do, what to think, and what to believe. I believe in the truth and getting to the bottom of it at any cost. This is a cause that is worth fighting for. Organizations like Wikileaks are trying to keep world governments free and transparent. They are trying to be a voice & power for the people, to protect their liberties. Julian Assange may be an American enemy to some but I view him as a Jeffersonian Hero. He believes in protecting the Freedom of the Press and he believes that is what he’s fighting for. I’m not going to back down into a closet on this issue, because I will let my heart speak freely and declare the world is a better place because of Julian Assange. We have a conduit at our disposal which will hold our government accountable for it’s actions, for the abuse of power, for those who try to hide their crimes behind secrecy, in the name of National Security. I don’t want my country committing crimes in my name. I want the American Republic to become what it was meant to be according to the original beliefs and intentions behind the Constitution. We need to stand up and protect our liberties. We need to be more decisive and seek the truth amongst all the smoke and take a stand against any potential that leads to tyranny. Let’s ask hard questions and require more accountability by our federal government which is supposed to be answering to the people!

Seriously people, get up and FIGHT or lose your freedom!

Let’s run that river
when it’s the muddiest wild
through the hell
of Cataract Canyon
and listen to the roaring song
in the heart of the candled night.

Let’s start a political movement. Several ideas keep flooding my head and I can no longer ignore them. I have a dream for America, and it’s starts in my local community. Conservative hill-billy Southern Utah, here I come. Consider me both conservative and middle-of-the-road but I have ideas that run deeper than civilization and I intend to focus this political energy into a grassroots movement. The first batch of issues I wish to address are as follows; government accountability & transparency, police misconduct, racism & discrimination in the community and asking the “hard questions” to politicians who we elect into office and holding them accountable if they skimp out. All of this starts at the community level, in my own back yard – little cow-poke Cedar City.

Last Saturday night I sang Folsom Prison Blues in a cold cement cell in the Iron County Jailhouse. It made me feel like Johnny Cash. After returning from St. George, Utah on a date with a great red-headed gal, I was pulled over by a polite rookie cop & five minutes later escorted from my Jeep, accompanied by a second officer and formally arrested in front of my date. I wasn’t even allowed to walk her to the door, appropriately. This angered me pretty bad. It turns out my license was suspended and they had a warrant for my arrest over an unpaid ticket. Five months before, I was pulled over & cited for not having proof of insurance while running an errand in my mother’s truck. My sweet mom claimed she would take care of the ticket & clear my name, since it happened in her truck. It’s safe to assume it didn’t happen. It was my responsibility, anyway.

I didn’t have to spend the night in the slammer thanks to my buddy, Tom. The ticket was dismissed on Monday morning with an agreement that I plead guilty for failing to appear in court. The judge fined me $137 & $35 to get my driver’s license reinstated. What a wonderful money-making scheme for the county and state. They made an example out of me; made me feel like an outlaw! It was empowering. Now I declare myself a bonafide rebel. I will misbehave, wreck havoc, and change the world in every legal way possible. I will act as an outlaw in the most law-abiding sense that any legal outlaw should act. I will change the system.

Thanks to two donut-hunters, I have the inspiration needed to write this rant. With all the stories I’ve been hearing about borderline harassment of American citizens by local law enforcement in this town, It’s time to raise the bar and set higher standards of conduct for Utah lawmen. And why are Washington and Iron Counties making bank off of law-abiding citizens like us when they should be chasing after real criminals instead of harassing citizens!? We are still living in the old west. There’s a lot of room to abuse power in Southern Utah. I’ve done my best to respect the efforts of local police and I am one of the most law-abiding citizen you’ll ever meet. Unfortunately two police officers barked up the wrong tree when they decided to mess with me. We can argue that they were just doing their job and this was routine, but I feel wronged for many a reason. . . we can continue this discussion but I don’t feel like writing any more. It get’s me upset.

A Child….
When you start to talk about the wind in your hair….
I know it is because you are running from life…
So run…..
You are very talented though!
You write like Edward Abbey…
your pictures are breathtaking….
you play a mean flute tune…
Your the best damn tour guide….
You are kind….
You are caring….
You’re so talented that you don’t see it….
you’re passionate….
and these things I am envious of….
They make you rich…..
They make you unique….
and I could learn a thing or two from ya….
I proud of these things….in my son…

Technology in my world has a limited place. If all electricity shut off tomorrow, it would be the first day of an epic adventure that I have been looking forward to for all my life. That’s right, I see the ‘End’ as the beginning of an adventure, and definitely a new way of life! I’ve been living my life in such a way to survive this cataclysmic change headed our way. This is what would make me an anarchist to some people but a peaceful one at that. I don’t believe in any form of violence except against the most evil rulers and tyrants of the world, and those that commit murder, and abuse innocent children.

Like a coyote minding his own business, most people get the wrong perceptions of me or what I am up to. But the coyote is usually just trying to survive while chasing after the insects, and rabbits & living from day to day. Make no mistake about it, it is a matter of survival though! Life is supposed to be simple. Instead this modern world of the “career” is causing troubles amongst humanity. We are becoming less human and more dehumanized. It is taking us away from the harmony of being with our families, wives, husbands, and a healthy world environment.

I’m do not oppose general labor or hard work because in the old days it required serious effort in hunter & gatherer societies to survive and innovate. They spent a lot of time observing the natural world and copying what they observed. Those life-ways could become life and death struggles, if people strayed too far from the pattern. If you didn’t search for food all day in the warm months of spring, summer and autumn you may have run the serious risk of not being able to survive the winter months that followed and would starve to death. On the same token, you were always surrounded by your family, your loved ones, and perhaps you had more leisure time than in the world of busy bees and daily salaries.

Here’s the root problem of the modern civilized world. At the heart of this culture, pop-culture, American/Westernized culture is greed. Everything in this society hinges on the green-back dollar bill. In this pseudo-culture money does buy happiness and leisure time, to be more creative. But without it, the poor are either barely plugging away, or they are very destitute. Without the riches, you become a nuisance, a bum, a hobo, a welfare recipient, a vagabond, an outlaw, gypsy, hippie, cowboy, recluse, etc. But the greatest threat to our humanity & the world, to Mother Earth, is the same greed that’s at the heart of our culture, and machine. Even the recession is a result of it.

Amongst the Mormons, our belief is that the love of money is the root of all evil. Our Mormon leaders tell us that money and financial matters are becoming intertwined with spiritual matters. Being financially sound and stable is the key to spiritual happiness in the “civilized” world of the green back dollar bill. Lame Deer called the green paper; ‘Frogskin,’ which often had no value in other cultures but swiftly changed the way we evolved as human beings.

Don’t get me wrong. I love electronics. I love using twitter, and Facebook, and listening to my music on my iPod. The influences of technology on our lives seems almost limitless and amazing. Heck, I love technology and what it does for me; it’s how I keep in contact with the world, my friends, and my family. But mentally, I am preparing for a sudden change, when things can stop abruptly.

What if all the electricity in the world shut-off, suddenly? Are you ready? It’s a serious question when you sit down and consider your own welfare. When I am on the mountain or in the deep canyon and listening to the wailing wind and bickering crow, these feelings loom in my heart and mind; it is a strange peace when growing used to this uncertainty. I know something is headed our way, I just can’t place my finger on it. Somehow the greed in this world is going to stop because something has got to give. It’s kind of like a reservoir dam trying to hold the water back as it begins to crack.

I don’t have answers, only more questions, thoughts, feelings, and dreams. But I am ready. I’m bracing myself and learning. I’m listening to the wind, and thinking how beautiful life can be. My life is beautiful and I love the people in it. But I am just like the coyote usually minding my business and simply trying to get by in an increasingly dehumanized world.

In the morning, I am getting up early and driving three hours to Delta to sell some Alabaster to a rock shop there. Yup, that’s how I am going to pay the rent this month. My favorite stretch of highway is between Milford and Deseret, Utah, which is seventy miles without services and very desolate. If I have enough time to spare this will mean plenty of desert landscape shots through my lens tomorrow.

On another note, I’m heading to the bottom of the Grand Canyon with my best friend, Omar and a few ladies this weekend. Hopefully we’ll stop in at the Bar 10 Ranch and grab dinner out there and maybe say hello to my old friends. They want me to help them in April to do some guide work in the canyon. I’m thinking it over. Trust me, the bottom of the Grand Canyon is much warmer than Cedar City at this time of year.

About 5 AM this morning I threw on Levis and Redwing boots and rushed into the early February cold before the hint of dawn. As I fired up the Jeep it was so frigid that I quickly retreated into the house waiting for the engine to warm up. The day before, after church, I drove into the desert to plow in four-wheel-drive through fresh snow and get a good scenic view of the aftermath of a big blizzard that had moved through on Saturday. After turning on a random dirt road, I drove about 50 miles cutting fresh tracks in the new snowfall. It felt like I traveled back in time, very nostalgic. I’ve roamed these hills enough to believe it still is like the frontier days. As I looked off into the distance I thought I saw the Wells Fargo stage-coach heading towards the mining-camp of Pioche, Nevada.

Later on I was passing a bend in a canyon and witnessed two coyotes playing in the snow on the opposite hillside. They were unaware of my approach but took off over the ridge after getting spooked. Ten miles later, I came upon a large heard of sheep in a desolate basin scouring for the grass beneath the snow. Two huge white dogs guarded the bunch like vigilant cowboys. They barked warnings at me to stay in the vehicle.

I need to write more for posterity. My Grandpa Lamoreaux suffered a serious stroke recently and he was known as a story-teller in the family. But everything was oral. With the stroke, those stories and memories are lost in time. I grew up with my grandpa telling me about the lost Spanish Gold, claim jumpers, and ghosts. I regret not recording the stories of my grandfather & his prospecting days. All I have is what I remember him telling me. It was often when we were traveling back from the Alabaster mines on the other side of Bryce Canyon that he would begin a tale.

My love for the hills was spawned and nurtured by my grandfather and his love of nature and prospecting. My own sentiment about the landscape evolved in a different way. I’m not so much a prospector or capitalist like him. More or less, I love the wilderness because it is all we have left. I want to see things go back to the old ways. If I could I’d reverse time and send everyone back to the days of their ancestors. I just love the history of the red sandstone and the deepness of the canyons. The history it still there, haunting these places and we are another chapter. Those canyon will still be there long after we are gone. When I’m in a sandstone canyon there’s nothing more archaic than the echo of a hungry ravens as it glides above the sandstone rim & or the distant thunder of a monsoon cloud-burst off in the distance, or the trickling stream winding it’s way through a rattling grove of Cottonwood. I live for the simplicity, ruggedness, and the rough terrain of Canyon Country, and getting up before sunrise. My gold mine is the beautiful places that have taken root in my heart.

I’ve lost sight on occasion of these most precious things in my life. God created these holy places to seek refuge from the bitter storms of life but I’ve allowed myself to get bogged down like everyone else who gets plugged into civilization. Our modern lifestyle destroys our connections to the Earth and the land. I haven’t forgotten my roots, and I am going back to them. I’m familiar with the canyons and high plateaus of Utah where the meadowlark still sits on the fence-line in spring, singing in as the morning dew glitters in the sun-rays. It’s almost March and I am feeling so restless with summer fever. I’m restless and was up before sunrise with the neighborhood in a slumber.

So I’ve returned from the drive – rejuvenated by snowy country roads and greeted by the sun as it rose from the East. I beat the dawn and it lengthened my day. Life is super-short, why spend it sleeping!? I’ve also been so distracted trying to locate my better half, and haven’t met a girl who loves the mountains & canyons as much as I do. Well, may I have? It’s too early to tell! It’s the end of February and winter is ready to fight. I don’t mind the Spring snow. It’s expected but unwelcome to most who live in the high desert. As a photographer, I always welcome stormy weather but I really love seeing snow slush on green grass and yellow daffodils. The first cricket started singing in my apartment yesterday. He was telling me that Spring had arrived!

Libya becomes bloodbath as Moammar Gadhafi begins lose grip on power. I support the Libyan people in the uprising against Gadhafi’s regime. For me, the serious unrest is reminiscent of a scene from the movie, Braveheart, where Sir William Wallace screams FREEEEEDOM right before losing his head after a long, arduous and disheartening struggle. Let this be a reminder that freedom often comes with a lethal sacrifice in human blood. Gadhafi is an evil man who is not going to give up without a deadly fight. I can feel the courage, and the thirst for freedom that Libyans are feeling. Gadhafi’s desperation emboldens and glorifies their effort. Believe me, Moammar is the real Cockroach. I am cheering for all Libyans to reach their deepest dream to find the peace that they deserve in this world, and in the hereafter. My heart is cheering for the people who are paying the price for freedom in the Middle East. It’s amazing this is happening in my lifetime. The most honorable deed is fighting for what is right, taking a stand for truth and defending what is most sacred. Freedom is tasty and it’s worth the high price. Don’t forget, It’s better to die fighting rather than on your knees, begging the enemy.

My heart is quiet as I listen to the dark winds moving in from the west as the sun drops in the crimson purple abyss. There is a soft twilight mixed with the smell of cold juniper frost and the sound of a monster walking in the woods. The branches of the pinions creak as the night envelops the desert hills.

My imagination takes a journey into the past, to the most ancient times, and I can see them flint-knapping and throwing unused chips of augite into the dirt. One old man is building a fire that grows strong and he stokes it with dead sage and broken pinion branches. This ignites in my mind like a dream or a vision. His skin is withered and his hair is silvery gray with snow-white streaks. He sits on the cold rocky ground and huddles near the fire with the reflection of the flames dancing in his eyes. He’s looking into the fire pondering the wind, the land, and the old ways, and the stories. He’s thinking of his family, his parents, and the stories that his grandfather passed onto him before he died several ages before.

This old man, he’s some unnamed Indian man, just a flicker of light in my dream. But the scene replays over and over of the old man thinking and gazing into the fire. He’s thinking of his grand-kids, and the people gathered around and about. Dinner is over, and it’s late at night and other people are huddled around other fires as well. The stars come out, and the wind howls.

And then the memory, like a firefly, comes and goes…

It’s not impossible for Uncle Sam to change his outlook & decolonize. In fact, I think he could change his whole opinion & quit seeing the world from the typical ethnocentric, westernized standpoint. Our multi-cultural nation could enter an enlightened renaissance never seen before in the history of civilization!

It’s 1 A.M. in the morning and I am inspired to write. Why is that? This thought came into my head because I no longer suffer from the writers block. All of a sudden I feel inspired to write. Life is like a river. I’m a desert rat and river rat and this is how I live. The desert canyon country is my dwelling. Because life is a river, I do not know whats around the next bend in the canyon or when the next major rapid is going to challenge my raft.

So I spent the whole evening watching episodes of the X-Files and the adventures of Scully and Mulder. They are two complete opposites but they make a team like bread and butter. It’s nice to see the harmony between the two FBI characters as they investigate the paranormal mysteries of our time. Ya, it’s just a TV show but I have a lot of affinity for it and I am not one to watch television at all. I spend most of my time taking pictures or going into the hills looking for the shadows that creep in stone labyrinths of the wilderness. I’ve had my own experiences with the Unknown and the unexplainable. Who knows what’s out there? But if you go with me on enough adventures, you too will experience the same phenomena.

The mountains, desert, and wilderness have shaped my politics and how I see the world. It was the starting point that I began to dream about things bigger than myself. It all starts with something as simple as being in nature and listening to the wind. That’s where the real power in this world resides, not in materialistic ignorance or the lustful trinkets of our modern secular world.

I’m not in the mood to proof-read this or re-edit so I’ll just leave-it-be…

Let the starlight capture your gaze tonight
where happiness never sleeps and
dreams never soften.
A heart that is pure cannot deny
the truth of what was real,
and I love life because
of what may be?
Never forget the
memories as they come
and go and flee…

My Amigo, Omar and I traveled out to Milford, Utah. We stopped off at an old abandoned mining mill and smelter out in the boonies. There inside a decrepit torn building with a partially collapsed roof, we saw a Great Horned owl which flew out of the ruins and then returned a few seconds later. It wasn’t very far above our heads, about 15 feet and It landed up in the roof rafters. It looked back down on us with ruffled feathers and a quiet stance. This has been apart of a strange series of events that I’ve noticed over the past summer. Since July, I’ve had about five different coyotes cross my path and I cannot help but feel slightly superstitious. At first, it felt like bad luck but there’s beauty in all of this. I do not know what these events mean? Rarely have I had coyotes cross my path, if ever? Usually I see deer, or even skunks, but never coyotes. So the frequency of these events leads me to believe something strange is happening? I’m wondering how this may affect my life or if it is an omen of some sort? Being Mormon, and LDS, I cannot dive too deep into this mystery.

But life is beyond real or the confines of imaginary fiction. Something spectacular crawls through our reality of time and space. Events happen that cannot be explained. We have experiences like breaking down at Area 51 or nearly drowning in a Grand Canyon Flood. Or perhaps fate does exists and a perfect love story begins… Who knows? Maybe fate was never real, and we begin to fill our imaginations with crazy nonsense. Truly, I never really give up on faith and the power of patience.

As I roam desert wastelands, and talk to quirky strangers, I realize the beauty of this life and to have a strong faith in the unseen. Things happen when the time is right. As I write this, I listen to the crickets outside my open door out in the country and watch the sunlight fade into soft warm dusk. Fall is coming, and I ponder the adventures that await…

Now going down memory lane, this is a lonely flare but ignites in the cave of my dreams. I miss the deep starry skies of Flagstaff, Arizona and the snow in the Ponderosa. I don’t usually like the winter cold but the land of Northern Arizona captures my imagination. I miss hearing train whistles blow all night long as Santa Fe rail cars passed through downtown. Flagstaff is the classic, Route 66 train town and where the music of Johnny Cash grew close to my heart. Tonight, I let these memories catch fire…

And now, a short love poem – let the starlight capture your gaze tonight where happiness never sleeps and dreams never soften. A heart that is pure cannot deny the truth of what was real, and I love life because of what may be? Never forget the memories as they come and go and flee…

I’m like the coyote, often careless, reckless, and naive even in my late twenties. Okay, I have to confess something publicly, I acted out on my insecurities. It was very reckless and I may have said some mean things. I didn’t realize they may be taken that way until after I reread the words. Be careful what you say to another human being. Words are like tooth-paste. Once it’s out of the tube, it’s hard to get back in. I am sensitive, irrational, illogical, and dream too much. Empathy is not always my strong point hence why I need to be much more proactive when it comes to dealing with the people in my life.

Faith is required in all human relationships. Faith is confidence to replace fear. Life requires deep roots as the reality will wear one thin. My grandfather was rooted deep. That’s why he was married 50 plus years. Take time to learn how to suppress those insecurities and don’t let them damage the ones you love or care about. Often you will not even realize when you hurt someone. Be unconditional and slow to react. The better you are at this, the more you will be loved by some, and praised by others.