West Desert Journal

Every time I return back to classes and college studies, I get this weird restless feeling inside. Kind of like I don’t want to be here, but I am sticking it out. If I had my way, I’d be traveling the Southwest, and doing my photography. I wouldn’t be stuck to this tiny campus, nor this town and its boundaries. There’s no soul in all of this. But like usual, I’ll keep on going.

It feels like everybody wants me to conform in certain ways, and the pressure is pushing from all directions. It never stops. Wanting to break free is constantly on my mind, but to hang in there is also important.

Then there’s the addiction to the technology, and the candy covered luxuries of civilization and easy living. All of this binds the Human Spirit. It’s creating a feeling of helplessness, and weakness. It’s a feeling of being caged in, and starved.

These are my thoughts and feelings for the moment. The more I dwell on them, the worse it gets.

I took my grandparents on a little outing today in the van. They’re truck has been broke down for about a month. My brother and our cousin have been trying to get my grandpa’s truck running, so he can keep the business running. Things have been tight lately.

Today we went on a 234 mile round trip, and spent the whole time finishing a few chores, and enjoying the journey. We drove across the Arizona Strip on the way back home. Gigantic desert clouds blanketed the desert sky as far as the eye could see, and cloud shadows dotted the golden landscape.

What a beautiful world, a quiet world. I forget the simple things at times. Visiting with my grandparents like I did today, is a rare experience. The mood was beautiful.

It’s sad that Summer is almost over.

It’s true freedom when you go into the mountains all alone, and spend the night by yourself far away from any road or trail. We have some mountains behind our ranch here in Southern Utah and they are pretty isolated. I was in my late teen years, when I would often venture into them on a regular basis during the summer. I dodged a few rattlesnakes. My stupidity, and hunger for fear clouded my judgment at times. Always, I’ve had my eye on the unknown, hidden things lurking in those mountains. The Blue Sky against Mother Earth, and the smell of wet sage after a rainfall still brings strong feelings.

A canyon behind our rock yard that people call Braffits Creek, and is a very deep and untouched canyon full of rigid cliffs and a deafening silence. Only the small creek is heard and an occasional breeze disturbs the Quietness.

So I wander? What would happen if you persuaded one of those city people to spend the night alone in a forest of old Juniper trees? How would they handle it?

Every time I go camping in remote areas, I get an awkward lonely feeling, especially when I take risks. What happens if I fell, or broke a leg, and starved? A multitude of thoughts pass through your imagination. What happens of you died, and no one ever found your bones? That’s a thought coming from a country boy.

On my way back home from a trip to Salt Lake City, I watched the sun drop in the west. Its rays illuminated a mass of rain clouds above some mountains along I-15. They glittered in colors of red, purple, and maroon. As I watched that grand closing, I felt so grateful for life.

An eagle silhouetted in black by the setting sun was sailing on the winds of bad weather. He was soaring below great thunderheads, and lightning was flashing everywhere. He was a small creature compared to the enormous expanse desert. Without his presence though, everything would have felt empty! The way this eagle weaved back and forth on the wind added a surreal feeling to the moment; a warrior and hunter; a beautiful king living on the freedom from his heart!

A photograph explains a thousand words, but the Earth talks in a spiritual wordless language that can pierce the heart, the intellect, and the soul of every human being. The Eagle was crying in a vision.

When a moment of beauty exposes itself to you, do not take it for granted. Don’t be distracted by your own life, or by the civilization that you live in. What you value now may not exist in the near future. Material things do not amount to much, but truth matters!

I think the Eagle was crying, or manifesting its struggle to keep going, despite the encroachment of darkness into his realm. As long as the sun keeps on burning, the warrior keeps on sailing.

None of us understand the dreams deep within. But every Human Being has his/hers struggles, and we all carry a confusion that won’t ever be solved. My personal opinion is that when you die, you might have a shred of truth, you might have been successful in scratching the surface the unknown. But even after death, you will keep on learning for the rest of eternity. Just like the never-ending universe, everything is infinite. Everything has endless meaning. Freedom is in the blood, freedom is in the struggle. The more trials that you face, the more you have to endure. You have to be grateful for everything bad and good.

I was taught as a child that the path of life was never meant to be easy, but it is definitely worth each step. Endure to the end! Maybe that is ONE teaching out of infinity.

And so this is another dramatic, but consistent entry into the West Desert Journal. But it’s how I feel at the moment. Goodnight.

On some days, I wander what is wrong with this world. The confusion that hate creates is nothing more then an unreasonable burden. Some people are probably deep in their own pain. I believe that every Human Being has the power to change their ways and drop the hate, racism, and stereotypes. Weeding out personal egos has always been a challenge in me.

Racism is going to die hard in Amerikkka. It’s sooo deeply rooted in the US Nation; it won’t die without a fight. Resistance is the only way.

Could the fact be simple? If hate ever disappeared from this world, and people realized what a beautiful circle that this planet creates, maybe there could be room for change? There is a purpose to this life.

If this a personal paradigm, then help me break it. My perception is forever evolving and this message is probably nothing more then jabber.

After watching a documentary on the Grand Canyon tonight, I quickly became homesick. I’ve been there when the tourists have gone into hibernation and the winter snows have settled upon the ledges. The South Rim is very peaceful in the wintertime and I hope to plan a trip soon. It will help me rejuvenate from the modern society that has sucked my spirit dry.

Way out there, in the middle of those canyonlands, the stars glow like candles at night. It’s a desert dreamer’s escape from the reality that plagues this sad, sad world.

It was cloudy today, I thought it might rain. The weather cheered up though and it’s warm and sunny. The trees are calm and not much is happening in the little town of Cedar City.

While eating breakfast on the porch this morning, a hummingbird came into the yard pollinating the flowers, and it stayed for a while. Cute little fellow, he was happy!

We don’t see too many of them in mother’s yard. Out in Parowan where my grandmother has hummingbird feeders hanging all over the place - including the garden, there are plenty of them flying everywhere. They’ve nested on my grandma’s porch, in the light sockets where the bulbs hang out on the ceiling. They use the same nests every year and its fun just to sit there and watch them.

Southern Utah hummingbirds are very hyper, they often like to get into fights and play tag while feeding. Sometimes they forget your presence and come within arms reach of slamming ya. They have no fear, except when humans come near their nesting spots. Hummingbird mothers are very protective and can get nasty. It’s best to keep a safe distance away, lest you don’t mind getting pelted!

So a big part of summer is the hummingbirds. If it wasn’t for them, it wouldn’t be the same. Just like it wouldn’t be the same if you couldn’t hear a billion crickets serenading on those warm desert nights.