West Desert Journal

Sometimes, I feel caught up in a doomed system, or that I am about to fail myself. But when I see beautiful rock formations and the nimble clouds as they pass through the heavens, I am reminded that life is so beautiful; that to keep going is the ultimate goal.

Now I just need to vent, maybe even in an abstract way. That is what this journal is for…

The sky is deep black, and I am seeing the infrared trees. I am crossing the wasteland that stretches farther then the eye can see. The desert shrubs and creosote speak sleepless dreams. I am reminded of beauty, over and over again. There is nothing more intoxicating then the sweet colors of the desert, especially within the Arizona Strip, venturing up through the Kiabab Plateau, or going along the foot of Mount Trumbell, near the Toroweap overlook of the Grand Canyon. Or venturing across the Sugraro strewn landscapes of Southern Arizona. While passing through emptiness, through the space of endless valleys, I cannot seem to figure out where I truly belong? There is this traveler inside, this neo-nomad that wants to keep drifting through the foot hills and the deep landscapes of the wild. The earth shadows are strong, and powerful.

In the cities and towns, new agers (nuagers) exploit the most sacred things, and as I sit here in Flagstaff or go to visit Sedona, the business and cultural exploitation just makes me sick. There is everything wrong with this New Age Movement, from the disrespectful selling of Native ceremonies, to the selling of books on NDN Spirituality, by spoofs, frauds, and Plastic Shamans. I see their exploitations of other cultures, and I wish there was something I could do to stop it. But our system allows them to exist. America is about money, and finding ways to exploit something to make a buck. This is what is wrong with Arizona culture.

The landscapes of this state are amazing. But these cities keep growing, and they grow too big commercially. I feel angered by certain things, and I have to say something about them. In all the while, I try to dwell upon the positive things in the world. Such as the sacred mountains above Flagstaff, or the deep wild gorges that surround this little city. The Ponderosas here are awesome, and dense.

So this is my perception at the moment. I won’t stop myselt from dwelling upon these things.My mind is a constant storm. Because, I simply don’t want to accept the things I am unable to change. If I could, I would find a quiet way to vanish from all the destruction that I see on this Earth. If I am a fool for talking about this, then albeit, I will say what is creeping through my conscience.

A Thanks goes to Annika. I thank her for the inspiration!

I want to dissapear in the wilderness as a ghost. The Unknown keeps calling. Deep in the Pinions, I love to listen to the wailing wind as it travels across the land, pushing clouds above the desert mountains. This is the beauty that keeps me kicking. Far away from the town, I hide. I watch those clouds pass through quiet eternity.

Yes, I believe that all living things have a soul. The defining characteristic for this is that most creatures have a desire to survive and reproduce, or at least the ability to do such. It is also my assumption that there doesn’t need to be a mother-child bond within every living species either. Most mammals would share this trait, but it may only play a small role in the kigdom of life. I also believe that plants and trees have deep spirits, but they don’t provide for, or take care of their offspring.

Here’s a prime example of what I’m trying to say: what gives a Bristlecone Pine Tree the desire to live, grow, and stay in one place for thousands of years, and remain content? why would a Bristlecone Pine want to live for thousands of years, grow at 10,000-12,000 feet above sea level; while enduring the most inhospitable climate conditions? They grow in the windiest, most uninhabitable areas. They even grow in places that lack moisture! It is one of the oldest living tree species in the world. There is an incredible beauty about the Bristlecone; a beauty that I cannot translate. It is very wise, and unknowable to us humans.

There is no time in the wilderness. Those red cliffs are older then human evolution. In so-called geological time, it takes millions of years to erode away mountains and create plateaus. A sandstone ridge shades twisted Junipers, and within their scaly branches, the wind never stops. Clouds constantly shift above the plateau, creating shapes that appear once, never to be seen again.

They say if a tree falls over in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, should it matter? If a rockslide drops a million tons sandstone, does it matter? And does it matter that the landscape is constantly shifting, eroding, and melting away? It changes in the absence of humans. We don’t really matter either, because we are only a micro chapter in the history of the Earth’s evolution. As humans build their citified boundaries, closer and closer, with every minute; would it really matter if we simply vanished? Just imagine those big ghost cities left to the wind!

My joy is the cloud and cliff, the juniper, the pine. My happiness comes from sifting the cold sand with my bare feet, or walking across the desert after a fresh cloud burst in the summertime. It’s just me in a sandstone canyon, and the distant thunder. There is no “time” out here; only hypnotic memories, and unforgettable visions. Freedom is breathing wide open space, and to relax beneath blue desert sky.

The wild is my haven, where I travel across the land like a spirited horse, or a lazy eagle in the blue. The old ways are still here. The Cottonwood still bends to the wind, and creaks. The unknown still comes to my door.

Go to places where the sage grows tall, and mountain islands float in desert ocean. Go where there are no other human beings… Maybe once a month you’ll spot another two-legged! Venture into the timelessness, and it is so quiet, you’ll be able to hear the moon rise, and the sun rumble before dawn.

Beauty is simple and elegant. You should simplify, and appreciate those moments of solitude, and seclusion. Let those worries fade away. Stop being sad. Listen to the timeless, where billions of years come and go in a flicker. There is no beginning, nor end. You just need to simplify. You’re in a quiet world. It is just you, the varmints, and the desert; the mountains, forests, and plateaus. Maybe you’re in a cabin with loved ones, somewhere faraway. Journey into corners of God’s deep imagination.